I stopped, and bowed to the owl, thanking it for coming to visit me again. I opened my awareness to pure consciousness, wanting to sense the field of the owl and listen for anything it might be wanting to tell me. After a few moments, I heard a sound behind me. I turned to look, and the second owl was there, on a branch about the height of my head, only about six feet away. What a gift, to have the owls trust me and come so close!

When I turned back to look at the first owl, it was gone, but suddenly it swooped over my head again. I remembered stories about great grey owls that I’ve heard from friends recently, and recalled that they can be aggressive, even knocking peoples’ hats off their head. It occurred to me that maybe the owl was telling me to hit the road, that I was too close to the nest or something. I said this to the owls, that I would continue on my way, and turned to continue running up the path. Next thing I knew, one of the owls had struck me very forcefully on the top of my head. Ouch! What a shock! It was a forceful blow, quite amazing considering these owls only weigh about four pounds.

Okay, okay, I get the message, I’m leaving! I thought. I continued to run up the path, and one of the owls swooped very close to my head again, though it didn’t strike me this time. It continued swooping in loops alongside me a few more times, until I came to the same bend in the road as the previous night. There the two owls perched, and watched as I left their territory. I paused to say goodbye, voicing the fact that I didn’t much like being struck that way, but still appreciated their presence.

As I continued up the next bit of trail, the full impact of what had happened sunk in. I began to cry as I ran. My head hurt, but what hurt more was my heart. I had been so open to the presence of the birds, feeling like it was a gift. I thought I was special, and that the encounter was proof that I have some kind of special connection with nature. I have longed for closeness with wild creatures, and the night before it had seemed this was what was happening. And also it had seemed a clear answer to a question I was holding. In previous times, when people were closer to the land, the land and her creatures were ensouled with meaning, and such encounters had significance. I had sought this significance myself, but in feeling physically hurt, it seemed all of this was wiped away. I was just a fool on a run, blundering through an owl’s territory, unwelcome. All of this wounded my pride, my identity, shook up my view of reality.

Suddenly I had more sympathy for people who feel frightened of nature. Perhaps this is what was most upsetting about the encounter (and also the gift, to understand how others feel). I have always felt nature is a friendly place, or at worst neutral. But it’s a place I have felt safe, and have trusted. This encounter shook that trust. I don’t know yet the full impact on me.

Suddenly, as I neared the bend, a great grey owl flew over my head! It wasn’t totally silent, otherwise I wouldn’t have heard it… It came to rest on a branch overhead, and I stopped to say hello and thank it for its presence. It was dusk, so I couldn’t see details clearly, but the owl seemed to be grey, rounded head (no visible ear tufts like the great horned owl), with lighter feathers at the bottom of the tail. The owl looked at me for a long time, and after a while it made a sound like FFFFFsh. and then I heard another sound behind me. I looked, but couldn’t see what had made the sound. Then I realized there was a second great grey owl behind me!

I hung out with them both for about 10 minutes. They flew around a bit, coming closer to me to get a better look! Silent, puffy flight, but noise hopping from a branch to a lower branch, and once or twice noise opening their wings. One time I looked at one and the other one flew away without me hearing a thing. But they seemed interested in me, flew to nearer branches, both looked at me. They also both flew at each other and dislocated the roosting one from a branch. It was such a wonderful gift!

For reasons which I can’t reveal here, it was obvious that nature was providing a very clear answer to the question about the chefs. Joe and Wahl absolutely must come and do the cooking next time! Grey owl said so! And I was thrilled both to have this magical encounter, and to have what I thought was a very clear answer to a question, for a change!

I will be running leg 4 of the race, which is 21 KM long. This leg will begin at about 1:00 AM at the Canada Customs post between Alaska and BC, and will finish at Tutshi Lake. Gordon ran this leg last year (he’s run 8 of the 10 legs so far), and said it’s mostly downhill. Uh huh! Well, sounds good to me. There’s nothing like running through the wilderness in the dark!

This relay race has been going since 1982, with a really big turnout in 1998, the centennial of the Gold Rush Stampede. In 1998 there were 161 teams. Unlike in the actual stampede, we will not be required to run with 1,000 pounds of gear on our back!

There’s 10 weeks until the race, and I’ve prepared a great training schedule for myself. My sister Kim, who is doing a master’s degree in psychology, suggested I conduct a single-subject study on endorphin release during distance running. So I will be keeping track of how happy I feel as this training progresses! Yes, running can lead to an altered state, which is why a lot of us do it. (Plus we get to eat all the chocolate we want!) I’ll keep you posted.

I wasn’t trying that hard. I started slow, trying to keep to a comfortable pace. I positioned myself up near the front, so I wouldn’t have the problem of having to pass people constantly. Instead, for the first minute or two people were passing me. But this was a totally different race than the international event of the Vancouver marathon. It had a grassroots, community feel, and the numbers of people were much lower. So I didn’t have the same issue with being crowded. Most of the course was very spacious, except for one short bit where the width was just two runners wide. Anyway, trying to go slow, I found that my time for the first 1K was 5:45. Not slow! (For someone who has a 7 minute per KM training pace, and a half-marathon pace of 6 minutes per KM.)

As the kilometres ticked out I noticed that I was sustaining a pace that was well under 6 minutes, which meant that unless something unforeseen happened, I was going to beat the 1 hour mark. I guess this kept my effort strong. I was pushing myself beyond a comfortable pace, it’s true, but also enjoying the beauty of the sunshine, the sky, and the UBC campus. I felt kindly towards my fellow runners, for the most part. Much less reactivity than in the last race. (One incident, which I will relate soon, was an exception to this!)

In the second half of a race I always feel more confident, as I’ve made it halfway and know I can do the same again. Since I was already running so strongly there wasn’t as much room to increase my pace in the second half, but I started using the focuses I’d learned at Angela’s ChiRunning workshop. Lifting my feet to kick them up behind, feeling a lightness and looseness in my stride (a smooth-moving organism, with no hitches or glitches, just effortless freedom of movement). I also used the eyes-ahead focus, looking on runners ahead of me rather than at the ground. And strangely enough, this drew me forward to pass the runners ahead, over and over… At one point an eagle soared overhead, and that really seemed a blessing.

After I passed the 8KM mark I decided to hold nothing back, and ran even faster. I was right at that threshold of anaerobic activity, where I was working harder and using more oxygen than my body could take in. I love playing at that edge. And I must say, race time is the only time I get the chance to do it, as I can never run this fast when I’m on my own. A gift of the race, definitely. So for the last two kilometres I was really running hard, and then, I had my little moment of reactivity. Gliding along the sidewalk in that effortless smooth way, with other runners sparsely situated ahead and behind, someone from the 5K race (identified as such by a different bib colour) was walking up the race path in the opposite direction from the race. There was plenty of room on the grass beside the sidewalk, and room all around, so why was this guy walking on the racecourse? It felt like a disruption in the flow, and a lack of respect for the racers (and me in particular!), and it pissed me off.

As I passed him I couldn’t contain myself and I said “Arrogant prick.” I heard two women nearby snicker a bit. I felt a boost of adrenaline flood my body, and I was off, running even faster than before! At this point I was only a few hundred metres from the finish line, though I didn’t know it as I had missed seeing the 9K marker. I just let the extra energy move me on, speculating as I did so whether this was a positive thing or not. In that moment it felt pretty fucking good, let me tell you!

I came around a corner and heard the announcer and saw the finish line ahead. I could hear two women coming up behind me, and I just didn’t want to let them pass me. So I ran even harder, and discovered the incredible blessing of a grassy lane as the final stretch, right through the finish line. Wow! Running on the green earth. I gave everything I had, and I could see the time on the clock at the finish line as I got closer. It was 55 something! I pushed even harder, and I couldn’t help but say “Holy Shit!” as I ran under the Finish banner and saw that my time was under 56 minutes. Oh my god!!

I almost fainted from lack of oxygen, so walked around the big green grassy field for a while, getting my breath back and feeling the euphoria of knowing I’d done something I’d never thought I could do. What a great race! I loved everyone who was in it, and all the people who volunteered and put it on.

I usually like to leave right after a race, but this time I stayed. I talked to some other runners, and did my post-race yoga in the big grassy field. Then I partook of the amazing feast that the North Shore Credit Union and race organizers had put out. Beautiful fresh strawberries and watermelon, veggies, hot dogs and burgers, chips and cookies. People sat on the grass to eat, and cheered as the announcements were made about the race results. I sat on the grass and ate the food and enjoyed the bonhomie of this celebration of running, community, and the longest day of the year. Wonderful!

One added benefit of organized road races is that they always raise money for a worthy cause. This time it was to fund research for a cure for Juvenile Diabetes. So that’s another reason to feel good about doing this crazy thing called racing. I also wanted to mention to you the innovation in timing chips. The last few half-marathons I was in, the timing chips were disposable, which meant race volunteers didn’t need to cut the chip from our shoes and put them in a bucket. This time, the timing chip was built right into the race bib! It is amazing to consider that 10,000 years ago, humans were living a hunter-gatherer-fisher lifestyle. And now, this! Isn’t this world a strange and marvellous place?

Luckily it is a small race, so I may not have the same kind of frustration with the crowds that I described to you previously. It will also be another chance to practice equanimity. After attending Dan Brown’s meditation retreat in Vancouver, followed by another Diamond Approach weekend, I have noticed my reactivity has subsided substantially. This relief from suffering was something that Dan promised on the first day of the retreat, and it is really true—experiencing and understanding reality through the meditation practices that he taught have caused a major shift in my reactivity. Along with that has come a new gentleness towards myself, whatever I might be experiencing. So if you ever get a chance to work with Dan Brown, I highly recommend it. It is a precious opportunity.

Does that mean I had a blissful race, wafting through the trees of Stanley Park, buoyed up by the nearby ocean waves? Hell no! It meant I was accutely aware of how my need for space and flow was constantly thwarted by the masses of people around and ahead of me. I experienced a continual sense of frustration for most of the race. Because I was in a heightened state of awareness, the frustration seemed even more painful than usual, and I noticed how my mind kept generating reactive comments about the people in front of me who were IN MY WAY!!

As I noticed this judgmental, hateful thought stream that my mind kept generating, I felt powerless and despairing of ever being able to cease this painful activity. It seemed to be totally beyond my control, and out of control. I don’t want to be having thoughts like “Get the fuck out of my way!” all the time. Yet I have been doing inner work for many years, and these types of thoughts still do occur all the time.

After noticing this go on for a while, I decided to try something new, which was to feel kindness towards myself each time I had a judgmental or hateful thought about another person. I have been reading Pema Chödrön’s book Tonglen: The Path of Transformation, which teaches how to breathe painful states such as anger and hate into the heart, and breathe out light, love, compassion, and so on. So each time I had a judgmental thought, as the kilometres went by, I felt into my heart, with a sense of curiosity and kindness, to see how it felt as this was all happening. It felt quite hard and tight, but the experience of touching my heart with the kind, curious awareness added a feeling of warm intimacy with myself. I suspect that this is what I was really longing for, as well as the feeling of running at my ease and flowing. When people are packed so tight around me I feel claustrophobic and on hyperalert, so I can’t relax into the ground of my being.

The opportunity to keep bringing my attention back into my heart, time after time, felt like a gift of this race. And coming towards the finish line, the crowd thinned out, for about the last 100 metres there was finally the sense of thoughtless, spacious pure flow I was longing for. My mind was still, and I felt like I was in a timeless moment of blissful movement. It was truly wonderful.

As soon as I crossed the finish line, there was a huge crowd in front of me and I had to wait about ten minutes before I could get free. It was extremely distressing, to have those few moments of pure blissful awareness and then be back into the panicky feeling being trapped and not being able to get out. But finally the crowd inched to the opening and I was free.

I ran from there to the place where I had parked my car, at Main and Hastings (about another 10 minutes). It felt great to know that my limit is now beyond the half marathon, due to the earlier training I had done when I intended to do the full marathon. When I got to my car I put the medal inside and then leaned against the car to do some calf stretches. I was looking down, not really thinking about anything, and another moment of grace descended upon me. I was perceiving the objects in my field of vision with no thought or evaluation. It was a moment of nonconceptual awareness, in which the usual automatic process of looking at things, labelling them, and evaluating whether they were good or bad stopped. I was just looking. It was a taste of the kind of freedom I long for, though in that moment I wasn’t longing or even feeling free. Everything just was. After a few moments, I realized I was looking at cigarette butts floating in the clear rainwater in the gutter. Can you imagine the freedom of looking at that and not having to think “Ew, cigarette butts, disgusting!” But instead to just feel pure, clear awareness? It is a delicious way to be, my friends, and I wish that for all of you.

This week I am at the Dan Brown meditation retreat I mentioned earlier, and he promises that the mahamudra techniques he is teaching us will bring just that type of freedom from reactivity. The teachings also promise a taste of awakened mind, which he says is a simultaneous experience of bliss, stillness, and clarity. This is our true nature. May we all know this through our direct, lived experience.

The spaciousness and cool air of the runs reminds me of what Chogyam Trungpa calls stepping out of the musty, familiar cocoon. The familiar patterns of behaviour and familiar sense of self that comprise the ego can feel very comfortable and cozy, but there is a staleness to the cocoon. Now that spring is here I invite you to step out of the cocoon, if only for a few minutes. Let your thoughts quiet for a moment and sense the cool expansive spaciousness that is all through and around your head. Try one new thing, or an old thing in a new way, and taste the freshness that awaits us all outside of the cocoon!

A while ago on a vision fast in Colorado, Ann Debaldo, a student of the Diamond Approach and apprentice on that vision fast, told me that focusing on the kath would help my feet find their way in the dark. I have certainly found this to be true on night runs when I can’t see the path. But yesterday I tried it in broad daylight, and what a revelation! First, I could see so much more of my surroundings by looking straight ahead rather than at the path. My eyes and soul could take in the magnificent greenness of the forest and the purity and freshness of the snowy mountain peaks ahead. Also, by focusing on the kath, my mind was much more still, which meant I could absorb the impact of the surroundings more. This is what I long for when I run in the forest; to be impacted by the beauty of nature, and have that freshness enliven the dead, stale spaces of my soul that get trapped in endless dry thought patterns. It was so refreshing!

And finally, I find it very difficult to rest in the kath centre when I do my sitting meditation each morning. But resting in the kath while running was very easy! I felt a fullness there, like a thick liquid, resilient and substantial. It actually seemed motionless, though my body was in movement. It was a wonderful way to experience the kath. And my feet did indeed find their way, over stones and sticks, potholes and lumps, with speed and agility. I recommend that you try this the next time you go for a run. Just bring your awareness into your belly, below the belly button. And keep bringing it back there when the mind wanders away. I’d love to hear about your experience after you’ve tried it!

By the way, the other thing that I did was to keep my eyes focused straight ahead or looking around at the mountains, trees, and river, rather than on the path. Keeping the eyes focused straight ahead is one of the techniques of ChiRunning. Angela James told me that she had one of her best race times ever when she focused on this technique. If you are interested in learning more about ChiRunning, check out the ChiRunning and yoga retreat at Monkey Valley in July!

And finally, I want to mention an interesting idea I came across in the Winter 2009 issue of Circles on the Mountain, the publication of the Wilderness Guides Council. The Hawaiian Maoli people have an ideal of Mihikala—the act of giving and receiving forgiveness before it is needed. Imagine the freedom of being able to forgive someone, rather than get upset, even before they do the thing that would upset you! The longing for freedom from reactivity is very strong in me these days, so this idea has much appeal. I will try to practice it on the other drivers during the drive in to work this morning!

$475 includes camping accommodations, teaching fees, and delicious organic vegetarian meals

Location: Monkey Valley Retreat Centre

Begins with dinner on Friday and ends Sunday afternoon

Guides: Angela and Karen

• Learn to run free of injury!
• Learn to run effortlessly!
• Learn to be energy efficient!
• Learn how to create Chi Energy Flow!

Angela no longer has Achilles tendonitis since using the ChiRunning form, which combines the inner focus and flow of T’ai Chi with the power and energy of running to create a revolutionary running form and philosophy that takes the pounding, pain, and potential damage out of the sport of running. The ChiRunning program increases mental clarity and focus, enhances the joy of running, and turns running into a safe and effective life-long program for health, fitness, and well-being. Angela has run 18 marathons and completed Iron Man Canada in 2008. Now she’s on her way to Paris to run the marathon there on April 11, 2010!

Karen has developed a yoga practice that prevents pain in the knees and IT band. Combining yoga with running helped her cross the threshold from the 10K distance to the half-marathon! Yoga is a millenia-old discipline that provides the perfect complement to your running practice. It brings suppleness to the entire body, builds core strength, and safely releases the lactic acid that builds up in the muscles during a run. The relaxation that yoga brings allows your body to run for longer distances with ease.

This 3-day weekend getaway to the beautiful interior of British Columbia will teach you the fundamentals of the ChiRunning form as well as a post-run yoga practice that is more fun than the old stretches you learned in gym class!

Mornings will begin with a meditation in the crystal-clear mountain air, followed by running and yoga. Afternoons will be free for you to enjoy the meadows and forests of beautiful Monkey Valley. You might follow the creek down to Missezula Lake to go for a swim, or just find a private spot to go for a skinny dip in the creek! Enjoy miles of running along logging roads with no traffic and exhaust fumes.

We’ll have night-time fun by the camp fire, and when you retire to your tent, the burble of the creek and the hooting of the great horned owl will lull you to sleep. This weekend retreat will give you time and space to connect with your body and with nature, and you’ll return to the city feeling refreshed and enlivened.

Optional reading: ChiRunning: A Revolutionary Approach to Effortless, Injury-Free Running, by Danny Dreyer and Katherine Dreyer

To register, please fill in the online Registration Form. For payment information, see Fees. We’ll send you directions and a suggested gear list when you register.

This recipe is quick and easy to make, and serves four (or one person four times!).

Spring shepherd’s pie, vegan style

• 1 small or medium onion, chopped
• 2 carrots, chopped
• 1 celery stalk, chopped
• 1 large tomato, chopped
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 3 medium potatoes, quartered and chopped
• 2 tbsp Earth Balance organic whipped buttery spread
• 2 tbsp Belsoy organic creamy soya preparation (optional)
• salt to taste
• ½ c each frozen spinach, peas, and corn
• 1 pkg Yves veggie ground original
• ½ tsp dried basil
• 1 tbsp tamari, Braggs, or regular soy sauce

Preheat the oven to 350°. In a medium pot of water, boil the potatoes until soft. Mash the potatoes with the buttery spread and salt to taste. The optional creamy soya preparation makes the mashed potatoes fluffy and creamy.

In a medium saucepan, sauté the onion, carrots, celery, and tomato in the oil for about 5 minutes. Stir in the Yves veggie ground, frozen vegetables, basil, and tamari. The Yves and tamari are salted, so you probably don’t need to add any salt to the filling.

Pour the filling into a lightly oiled pie plate and then spread the mashed potatoes over top. If desired, decorate with peas. Bake for 30 minutes.

Reasons to eat a vegan diet

• You can feel happy knowing no animals gave up their lives for your meal
• The earth will flourish, with less pollution from factory farming
• It is more energy efficient to eat the vegetables and grains directly, rather than grow them, feed them to animals, and then eat the animals—simply put, the earth can’t support 6 billion meat eaters
• Your body will feel lighter and function better—meat and dairy are more difficult to digest
• Milk is made to grow 1,200 pound cows. Are you a 1,200 pound cow? Do you want to be?
• World-class athletes, including Iron Man triathletes and body builders, compete and win on a vegan diet

For more info, read Skinny Bitch or Skinny Bastard!